Author: Devina
My name is Devina and I am from Indonesia. Although most Indonesians are Muslim, I grew up in a Christian environment from childhood. I didn’t practice the religion in my family, but the Christian environment that surrounded me was the school, which I attended from a young age.
At school and in catechism I learned about God and have felt the Lord’s presence with me ever since. Of course, there are always problems in life, and in the ups and downs, sometimes I talk to God, thank Him for His blessings in good times and ask for His help to solve my problems in difficult times. But looking back, I feel that I wasn’t cultivating a consistent relationship with God.
When I moved to Japan, my relationship with God strengthened. Moving to a new country isn’t easy, and being away from family forced me to be more independent. It’s even harder when you don’t speak the language, aren’t familiar with the culture, and at the same time have to deal with new responsibilities. But since I arrived in Japan, my desire is to stay a little longer after finishing my studies. I prayed about it, and He showed me the way, even beyond my expectations. God is so good; He provides.
God’s sudden intervention
Then, suddenly, everything changed unexpectedly: my health was affected. I needed to be hospitalized and was on complete bed rest for a long period. I feel it was the worst moment of my life. I felt so powerless. I thought it would be the end of my life.
My head was filled with fear and anxious thoughts… “If I die now, I won’t have done anything significant in this life…”, “What about my college? I’ve worked so hard and I’m almost graduating!”, “What about my career? I’ve already received a job offer, I’m eager to start, and now you want me to end it here?”, “How will my family cope with this?”… These and so many other crazy and exaggerated questions wouldn’t leave my head. I couldn’t stop crying inside and out.
It took me a while to realize it, but I felt that God was gently asking me: “What is the purpose of your life?”
This made me think and realize… that I was living mainly for myself.
The Purpose of Fragility
Looking back, I realize that when we go through trials, it’s easy to pray for protection, for our health, for our safety. But God doesn’t always give the answer in the way we expect, and sometimes He may let us go through something we never wanted. And that’s the challenging part.
But the fact is, He never promised to give us everything we ask for in the way we want it. What He promised is that He will never abandon us, that He loves us, and that He can be our source of peace if we allow Him.
Honestly, I never wanted to talk about this story because it’s very traumatic for me. I won’t go into details, but today I feel it’s a good opportunity to reveal it because God still wants to speak to us, to me and to others, through our fragility. Our fragility has a purpose.
Thank God I was healed, but I feel the effect remains. I know God can perform miracles, and I’m not saying He can’t give complete healing. But what if God doesn’t heal? What if He wants to work on something greater with our fragility?
The story isn’t over. Problems will continue to arise as long as we live on this Earth. I’m still struggling and I’m still fragile. But this reminds me that when God wants to use our stories, they don’t need to be finished to be used.
Recently, God reminded me not to cling too much to the past, giving Jesus the chance to wash away our wounds and sins. Sometimes I forget this.
I used to think baptism was just a symbol. I didn’t see the point in getting baptized, as it seemed like just a tradition. But at the end of 2025, I decided to get baptized. I still think baptism is just a symbol. But now I realize I’m human and sometimes I forget that. With baptism, I was able to confess and take advantage of the opportunity as a reminder to all of us, and especially to myself, that Jesus already died on the cross, washed away our sins and wounds with His blood, and that therefore we should no longer live clinging to the past.
Let us live, not for ourselves, but for Him, for His glory!
